Oberweiss Will

Perhaps you have heard of the unusual will of a Texas farmer often referred to as the Oberweiss Will.  Here are the key provisions from this instrument:

I am writing of my will mineself that dam lawyir want he should have too much money, he ask too many answers about the family. First thing I don’t want mine brother Oscar get a G___ D_____ thing I got. He is muser. He done me out of forty dollars 14 years since.

I want it that mine kid sister Hilda get the North Sixtie Akers of at where I am homing it now. I bet she don’t get that gonoph husband of her to brake 20 akers next plowing. She can’t have it if she lets Oscar live on it, I want I should have it back if she does.

Tell Mamma that $600 she been looking for ten years is buried from the backhouse behind about 10 feet down. She better let little Frederich do the digging and count it when he comes up.

Pastor Lucknitz can have $300 if he kisses the book he won’t preach no more dumhead talk about politiks. He should a roof put on the meeting house and the elder should the bills look at.

Mamma should the rest get, but I want it so mine brother Adolph should tell her what not she should do so no more slick Irishers sell her vakom cleaners. They noise like hell and a broom don’t cost so much.

I want it that my brother Adolph be my execter and I want it that the judge please make Adolph plenty bond put up and watch him like hell. Adolph is a good business man but only a dumbkopf would trust him with a busted pfennig.

I want dam sure that schliemiel Oscar don’t nothing get, tell Adolph he can have a hundred dollars if he proves judge, Oscar don’t nothing get. That dam sure fix Oscar.

Signed: Herman Oberweiss.

Although there has been much speculation about whether this will is “real,” the doubt was resolved when Judge Jerry Buchmeyer revealed that a Houston attorney, Will Sears, prepared it for a law school banquet.