Tips on How to Talk About Estate Planning with Your Parents

Talking with your parents about estate planning isn’t easy. Older adults don’t want to think about death while children don’t want their parents to think they only care about money. Here are some pointers on how to talk to your parents about the topic:

• Don’t be scared to talk about it. Older adults are increasingly asking children for help managing their finances. Be honest and tell your parents that you don’t want their money unnecessarily going toward taxes.
• Talk about a celebrity’s recent death as an icebreaker. Or open the conversation talking about yourself if you recently had some estate planning work done.
• Drop it. If your parents don’t want to talk about it, drop it. It’s not worth it to create tension in your relationship with your parents in their final years over money.
• Talk about how uncertain the estate tax situation is this year.
• Minimize discussion about giving you money now. An easy way to reduce a taxable estate is to give money away before death, but you don’t want to seem like you’re asking for a handout now.
• Mention that you’d like to make sure your parents won’t outlive their money.
• Remember that it’s not your money. Emphasize that you’d like your parents to enjoy their last days, spending all their money. Make sure that they don’t think money is all you care about.

See Kimberly Palmer, How to Talk to Your Parents About the Estate Tax, U.S. News, August 3, 2010.