Myths on Choosing a Child’s Guardian

When it comes to choosing a guardian for their children, many parents fall prey to four common myths. These myths, and why they are harmful, are below:

1. That there is a perfect match  —Many parents do not choose a guardian because they are waiting for someone who will raise their children exactly as they would. Instead, parents should consider creating a list of four attributes they are looking for in a guardian and find a friend or relative who meets at least three of the four.
2. Someone will step up if needed—Parents tend to believe that family and friends will step up and care for their children if something happens to them. However, without a will, a judge will make the final decision regarding guardianship. Additionally, the children will likely have to meet with lawyers, social workers, and, in some cases, go into foster care until a decision is made. 
3. A letter or email will suffice—Many parents write their guardianship wishes in a letter or email, but this letter or email is not legally binding. A judge is not forced to follow the parents’ wishes and can make a different decision based on his or her own assessment of the situation.
4. There is no need to talk with the guardian—Parents often choose a guardian but then fail to inform the guardian of this decision. The guardian may have many questions for the parents (e.g. What are the day to day exceptions of caring for the child? What are the child’s financial needs? Are there any college savings?). The guardian elect may not even want to take responsibility for caring for a child. Parents should meet with the elected guardian and give an accurate sense of what caring for their children entails and allow the guardian to express his or her questions and concerns.

See Jacoba Urist, 4 Dangerous Myths About Choosing a Guardian, The Huffington Post, Oct. 24, 2011.