Playing Favorites Financially

Playing favorites among your children can obviously affect the parent-child relationship. Playing favorites when it comes to providing financial assistance can cause detrimental damage to relationships across generations. Typically, parents tend to treat children differently during four life milestones. These milestones, and tips on treating all children fairly during those times, are below:

• Funding Their Education: Parents should pay equal amounts for each child’s education. If one child’s education costs more than another’s, it is ok to make up for the difference in cost later on.
• Wedding Contributions: If you pay for your daughter’s wedding (as is still the custom in some circles), be sure to provide some financial support for your son’s wedding. Additionally, if you throw one daughter-in-law a shower, be sure to do the same for other daughters-in-law.
• Giving Gifts to Grandchildren: Be consistent when giving gifts to grandchildren. If you buy one grandchild’s entire nursery set, it is only fair to do the same for future grandchildren. Financial disparities when it comes to giving to grandchildren can cause relationship damage across generations.
• Creating a Will: To help avoid a will contest (and hurt feelings), it may be advisable to treat all children and grandchildren fairly, respectively. Two exceptions do exists, however. Parents may want to leave more money or a trust to a child who has a special need or a has a child with a special need or to a child who has suffered a tragic event.

See Jacoboa Urist, Is Financial Favoritism Ever a Good Idea?, The Huffington Post, Oct. 06, 2011.