Avoid Being the ‘Tiger Child’ This Holiday Season

As many of us prepare for holiday family gatherings, it is important to avoid being that “Tiger Child”—the term used describe strict parents who make decisions for their children, rather than allowing their children to explore and discover their own interests. 

Family gatherings offer an opportunity for members to discuss important life-planning topics, such as parents’ preferences for elder care and whether they have their estate plan in order.  One way to ruin “the talk,” is for adult children to micromanage their parents.  One way this occurs is when adult children speak for older parents who are capable of speaking for themselves. 

If you decide to have such a conversation, make sure to time it right.  “Don’t do it over the dining room table at Christmas dinner.  Moreover, a holiday discussion may not be the best time for all families.  If tensions are high, you should avoid bringing up potentially difficult topics when the expectation is generally happiness and good cheer. 

If you do decide to have the talk, make sure it is initiated in a nonthreatening manner.  For example, “Mom, I learned that Bob’s mother just moved with him up the block.  Is moving in with one of us something you’d ever consider?”  Also, make sure to pick an issue or two to start.  You do not want to overwhelm your family by trying to take care of everything at once.

See Elizabeth O’Brien, Don’t Be the ‘Tiger Child’ At Your Family’s Holiday Gathering, Market Watch, Dec. 23, 2014.