The Sandwich Generation on Wheels: Tips for Long-Distance Family Caregivers

Many adult caregivers are “sandwiched” in between two other generations: their aging, retiring parents who are increasing becomingly less self-dependent and their own children they care for. 68% of those retiring had a child living within 10 miles of them in 1994, but 20 years later, that number has decreased to 55%. 1 in 10 caregivers live an hour or more from those that they care for. Having a plan is essential in order to proactively prepare for what role the adult child can and should play.

Willingness and ability to care must be taken into consideration, as distance may limit both aspects. If there is a significant distance or lack of time, explain to the older generation the limitations. Explain and acknowledge that a certain distance creates an inability to be available 24/7 and figure out what are the triggering points of travel. Examples could be major surgeries and emergencies, and configure a reasonable timeframe of arriving for such by either driving or fling.

An open conversation with fellow sibling or step-siblings (the biological children of aging stepparents) is vital and can lower the likelihood of conflicts in the increasing number of blended families.

Finally, fully explain to them your other responsibilities. The aging parent needs to be aware of your employment, spouse’s, and children’s needs. You may not be able to leave your job numerous times at the drop of a hat. You may have other scheduled tasks as a parent or a spouse that needs to be accounted for in case of an emergency, and a contingent plan can assist in limiting the inevitable anxiety.

See Naomi Cahn & Amy Ziettlow, The Sandwich Generation on Wheels: Tips for Long-Distance Family Caregivers, Institute for Family Studies, February 21, 2019.