4 Reasons Parents Don’t Discuss Money (and Why They Should)

Parents are well-coursed in particular talks that they are supposed to have with their children, be it “the birds and the bees,” using drugs, and drinking and driving. But two-thirds of parents that have $3 million or more in investable assets do not speak to their children about wealth or their inheritances, according to a Merrill Private Wealth Management study of 650 families.

67% in the study said they had quietly made gifts or placed money in a trust for future purchases for their children, such as school or a home, but 10% were steadfast in their belief that they would not ever talk to their children about wealth because it was none of their business. Why are parents against having an in-depth, informative talk with their children about money? Here are 4 reasons.

• You Think Your Children Are Not Watching You
  • Parents think that if they leave the children in the dark, they will not figure out how wealthy the family is. This is completely false. Children of varying ages can now get on the internet and determine how much their house and other possession are worth, and even how much their parents’ salaries should be. A feeling of entitlement and motivation starts very young, not in early adulthood. 
  • Also, if parents are not mentioning inheritance because they are giving the majority of their estate to charity, that should be expressed, not left to surprise when reading the will.
• You Are Anxious, and Talking Will Make It Worse
  • Every major talk with a child brings a certain amount of anxiety, but that does not mean that the talk should be avoided. Facing that anxious feeling head-on will bring about the best outcome for all parties involved.
• You Don’t Know Because No One Ever Had the Talk With You
  • Parents do not always have all the answers, whether it be from the right course of action or even how much money they truly have. But a conversation does not have to shine the light on all aspects of the subject; rather, it can be stepping stones as the children move on in their lives and in their careers.
• You Do Not Come From Generational Wealth
  • Families that inherit wealth often continue to be wealthy because of the conversations they have. They set out their goals and expectations for the family at every level. 

See Paul Sullivan, 4 Reasons Parents Don’t Discuss Money (and Why They Should), New York Times, August 2, 2019.

Special thanks to Matthew Bogin, (Esq., Bogin Law), Naomi Cahn (Harold H. Greene Professor of Law, George Washington University School of Law), and Joel C. Dobris (Professor of Law, UC Davis School of Law) for bringing this article to my attention.