3 lessons for living well, from the dying
Many people, when facing the end of their lives, share a common regret: letting relationships fade. A hospice volunteer once noticed that patients often wished they had made more plans with friends or reached out to old companions instead of convincing themselves that life was too busy. This realization inspired the writer to prioritize friendships more—sending silly texts, making dinner plans, and silencing that inner doubt that whispers, They’re probably too busy. Dr. Vicki Jackson, a longtime hospice doctor, echoes this sentiment, openly telling people she loves them because she knows that life can change in an instant.
Beyond relationships, those nearing the end often find themselves longing for the simple, everyday moments they once took for granted—walking the dog, making pancakes on a Saturday morning, or even grocery shopping. Hospice nurse Suzanne B. O’Brien encourages a shift in perspective: instead of saying, I have to go to the store, try saying, I get to go to the store. Dr. Jackson, too, reminds herself not to waste energy on small frustrations, like stewing over a rude driver. When you’ve spent years witnessing life’s real emergencies—a sudden cancer diagnosis, a devastating accident—you learn to let the little things go.
Hospice doctors also ask patients a powerful question: What have you left undone? Whether it’s mending a broken relationship, seeing a dream destination, or even finishing a beloved TV series, those facing the end often cling to final goals, no matter how big or small. Dr. Bethany Snider recalls a 17-year-old patient with terminal cancer whose last wish was to see whales—and she did. Another patient, determined to finish Breaking Bad, held on through every episode. These stories serve as a reminder: don’t wait. Love your people, cherish the ordinary, and chase your dreams while you still can, because none of us are promised tomorrow.
For more information see Jancee Dunn “3 lessons for living well, from the dying” The New York Times, January 31, 2025.
Special thanks to Joel C. Dobris (Professor of Law, UC Davis School of Law) for bringing this article to my attention.