Reducing Inheritance Battles
The following excerpts are from Sarah Jio, Inheritance battles — how to avoid them, CNN.com, June 23, 2008:
Arguments over family heirlooms and other belongings from a parent’s estate can disrupt even the closest-knit families. * * *
When families fight over material possessions, says Elinor Robin, a family therapist and mediator in Boca Raton, Florida, it’s usually not about the money. “It’s typically about… how we feel valued or devalued, dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised and disrespected in relation to the situation.” * * *
Even without sibling rivalry to contend with, an only child may find giving up treasured family artifacts, especially those imbued with childhood memories, to be extraordinarily difficult. * * *
Here are some hints for reducing the chance of conflict:
Make sure there’s a will. “My mother died without a will,” says Bredahl. “Get a will, and consult an outside lawyer, executor or estate administrator the first thing upon a family member’s death. Don’t wait until things disintegrate.”
Discuss before death. Discuss your intentions about family heirlooms with your parents and siblings before a parent passes away, says Tessina. Or, do it in the company of an arbiter such as a close family friend, a priest or pastor, or a family mediator.
“Jointly go through the possessions, with each person choosing in turn,” she adds. “The arbiter makes a list of who chose what, and then people are given a chance to trade or re-negotiate, as long as the process remains calm and reasonable.”
Use the sticker method. If heirlooms are in question, all siblings should view them together, says David Woodburn, an attorney who specializes in family-estate issues with Trusts and Estates Practice Group in Akron, Ohio. “Each child is given a set of colored stickers,” he says. “Then they draw straws, which sets an order for picking items, and then proceed to place their respective stickers on the items they want. It sounds a little tacky, but has been extremely effective.”
Hire a professional. “Do not attempt to save money by dividing property amongst yourselves, no matter how good your relationship is with your family,” says Bredahl. “A [neutral third party] is much more useful in the beginning when relations are not yet strained.”
Special thanks to David S. Luber (Attorney at law, Florida Probate Attorney Wills and Estates Law Firm) for bringing this article to my attention.